The reality is that our life is very blessed, but often overwhelming. Work has been nutty for both of us the last several weeks and the big kids have had the usual back-to-school adjusting - a little extra tired, lots more parent/teacher meetings and volunteering for field trips (which is fun, but adds to the juggle), soccer, reading practice and homework and the "normal" parenting activities. Anyone "in the trenches" understands the juggle. Add to this Lauren and Jacob tend to argue when they're tired and Jacob is in a big "Independence" phase, which is not precious at times. Nothing new here, but the work of parenting can be hard for anyone. And above all, joyous and special. We've also seen Lauren beam from her first soccer goal, ask to do math homework for fun, and begin to breakthrough with reading. Jacob is starting to read already, counting to 100, playing soccer with his buddies and continuing to make us laugh. They both can be so sweet and wonderful together and separately - when they feel like it:)
So, this is our "normal" life and then we have dear, sweet Taylor. Who we love endlessly. And with love comes worry. David and I had a nice long, overdue chat last night about the weight of worry - even when you know that worrying is not helpful, worry wastes time, and we fight every day to not let worry consume us. Occasionally we realize how much weight we're carrying around and realize we also need to take a moment to admit, yes, our situation can be overwhelming - because we want the best for Taylor, our big kids, and each other. The reality is that Taylor is very much a 26 month old baby. We carry her everywhere (and now have back pain to manage), hold her bottle for her, feed her every meal (which takes about 30 minutes), entertain her and care for her as best we can - while also giving Lauren and Jacob as much attention as possible. It has been, and will continue to be, a long road.
The unknown is probably the hardest part - we simply don't know what to expect and this is the part that could make you go crazy. You wish, hope, pray, look for signs and wait for a breakthrough. But our road is slow and steady and we just have to be patient. All things considered, she is continuing to do really well - she is doing good at therapy and we are continuing to see small signs of improvement. She is enjoying rolling around and pushing up on her knees - and even rock back and forth a bit. The other night she was sitting on David's lap and lifting her foot up and down. She was staring at her foot and giggling - you could see the lightbulb going on that she could control the movement and it was fun. She's starting to move her feet to help push her little riding car and is making a lot of progress in transitioning from laying down and pushing up into sitting. We so want her to have more independence and initiate movement on her own. She is also finding her voice - which is mostly fun and developmentally on track - but also sad. We can see her get frustrated now when she wants to do something, or not do something, but she doesn't have the words to convey it. We're working with her on nodding/shaking her head and tapping to mean yes. She is very consistent with waving her hand for "hi" and it is so cute when she waves vigorously when she sees us.
We decided last night that David and I need to have more fun. We're pushing ourselves to make more time for us and hang on to ourselves during this journey. Having some fun, exercising and taking a break will make us better parents for all three of them - it is hard for us to do because we never feel like there are enough hours in the day - for work, for parenting, much less for fun. But we're on a mission because life is what we make it - and the best example we can give our kids is to embrace life, laugh and love the best we can.
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