The Talk

We had a big moment with the big kids over Easter week-end. Believe it or not, we'd never really talked to them about Taylor's condition. Of course, they've asked questions from time to time - although not nearly as frequently as you might think. Taylor's therapy schedule and "walking coach" Susan have been such a part of our life for nearly two years that the big kids usually don't seem too phased by it. We'd answered any questions so far - "why does Taylor have a walking coach?" very simply - just like Lauren has a reading coach and Jacob has a soccer coach, Taylor has a walking coach to help her walk. They've noticed that younger kids are more capable and bigger, but we've talked about how everyone learns and grows at their own pace. The innocence of children is remarkable.

We neglected to tell them because at first, we were so overwhelmed and didn't know how to answer questions. Then, our new routine became somewhat normal and they didn't ask questions. We've wanted to protect their innocence and let them be kids without the "heaviness" of the situation. But, enough time has passed and Taylor has enough noticeable delays that we've known for months that we needed to have "the talk". We kept making excuses - let's get past the holidays, then past Hawaii, and then a million other excuses, but we decided Easter week-end that we really couldn't wait any longer for a number of reasons.

So, we found an opening Saturday morning - Jacob asked an innocent question about Taylor's hands ("why do they go like this?" - making a pincer grasp), and I dove in. I explained to them that Taylor's brain is different and that this makes things harder for her. We had a great book from the NODCC called "ACC and Me" - a kids book that describes the condition really simply. I read them the book and answered their questions. We didn't want to make it a big "moment", so the spontaniety of it worked for us. Interestingly, Lauren's big question was "why didn't you tell me earlier?" We explained that we didn't know when Taylor was born and we were still trying to understand ACC. They were very curious if they knew anyone else with ACC and Jacob even said he wanted to have "the ACC". We answered a few more questions, then Jacob said "let's play legos" and we were done.

We had thought so much about this conversation and so badly wanted to do it well - explaining it factually, without freaking them out, making it unnecessarily heavy, or a huge life moment they would always remember. We want them to maintain as much innocence as possible, and for life to be as carefree as possible.

They told their cousins at an Easter gathering that night, so I gave the same speech to Rory, Griffin and Graham. Rory, in particular, is old enough to understand what is going on at the ripe old age of 9. They are all so sweet with Taylor. The double conversation was emotionally draining for me - you really don't want to have to tell your dear, sweet kids that their sister has a different brain. These are the moments you can't predict or plan for in life. But I hope that we approached it with sensitivity, grace and a spirit of positivity - these are the gifts I want to give them forever. And to understand that they all are special - in their own unique and wonderful way.